Rest Day 7.30.12 Why do this?

Today is a rest day.  Probably the last one for the next 3 months so I better enjoy it.  Couldn't break the habit of waking up early this morning.  I was awake at about 6:15am which is a little late.  Watched some Olympic volleyball as I couldn't go back to sleep.  I should get this week's plan from Jeff today and I sent him a status report this morning.  August should be a tough month of training but with Austin in the distance I have motivation to keep going.  I really never anticipated taking on a half ironman last year.  It was something so far out there I couldn't wrap my mind around it.  It still makes me a little nervous just thinking about it.  Kind of like a dentist appointment looming in the distance to have some work done.  You know in the end it won't be that bad but it constantly weighs on your mind and gives you those little butterflies in your stomach.  I'm sure finishing Austin will feel great, if I make it, but I know there will be some pain trying to get there.  I do ask myself sometimes why do I want to do this.  I am a competitive person by nature and I have to do something that pushes me on a regular basis.  It's part of the way I am built.  I think my ice hockey days may be coming to an end and that was my outlet for a long time.  This is different and is a more solo endeavor on a lot of levels.  Most days I train by myself.  The days where I get to work with others are great from a mental motivation perspective.  The science of how to make your body do this and the curiosity of how far I can push the envelope is out there.  The arthritis that I deal with daily tries to break me at times and the one motivation I have always had is the feeling that someone or some thing believes I can't do it.  Probably a self manufactured thought but there nonetheless.  No one is ever going to line up and hand out sponsorships for me or make a big deal out of what I am doing.  I won't finish with the fastest people in my age group (for now at least, I can always dream).  Triathlon is a weird sport where your measuring stick is yourself.  How much can you get out of what you have to work with.  I haven't answered those questions yet so I'll keep going for now.